(Preface - I'm not looking for compliments or even encouragement with this blog post, I'm simply letting you into my world because that's the purpose of this blog.)
I've heard from lots of folks regarding last Sunday's services and they had great things to say about their sense of God's presence and their experience from this weekend. I walked away praising God for the way he used everyone else... except for me. There are moments when I preach that I realize, "something is not clicking here". There were moments during the message when I thought "you're just not connecting here". There is this sense that pastor's have from time to time in which after preaching they feel like crap - like they could have done better - that was my sense this Sunday.
I then try to evaluate why I have this sense: did I not pray enough, is this just the enemy trying to pull me down, did I not prepare enough, do I lack passion, is the topic confusing and not being explained clearly, am I giving too much information, am I just being insecure? Am I out of sync because we no longer have a Saturday night service which helped me prepare for Sunday morning, am I paying too much attention to the crying baby, do I lack eye contact, am I speaking too fast, how was my vocal inflection? And on and on and on...
Here's what I always come to after all of those thoughts and evaluation... that service wasn't about Kris and his feelings, that service was all about God and His glory. I long for God's unction as I preach, and I long to make a difference in the lives of those who will hear the message - but the problem comes when I begin desiring those things to make myself feel good rather than make God's name famous.
When my sole passion is bringing glory to God and to give Him my best, He will take care of the rest.
amen!
ReplyDelete