If you were at church this weekend you heard me make a confession, "Most of my life I live for me... I want my health and happiness more than I want God' glory revealed through my life... I don't look forward to being in heaven with God because I love life on earth more than I want to be in heaven... I have a difficult time treasuring Christ more than I treasure myself and my health and happiness... I'm struggling with my own mortality... 'For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain', is something that I struggle with." Those words were tough for me to say and they are hard to write because it reveals how selfish and self consumed I can be; I'm the pastor, I'm supposed to be the good example, I shouldn't fear dying or love this life more than the next.
It's difficult to explain the thoughts and feelings I've been having other than - I'm having a crisis of self. Dying to myself and longing for God's glory in my life is a real showdown. Deep down I long to be completely surrendered and make Christ supreme in all the spheres of my life.
I want to say with confidence like the Apostle Paul, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
So today as I faced the showdown, beyond my devotions and prayers, I repeated this to myself often, "This world is not my home... This world is not my home... This world is not my home..." And the prayer that I've whispered under my breath has been "God help me to love this world less and your Kingdom more." It may sound simple but it really helped to reinforce the truth in my mind - I have a better home waiting for me and while I am here I will live a life that glorifies my God!
Pastor Kris-
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful entry and confession. I think deep inside, it is hard for us to face the show down and live as this is not our home. It is amazing the things that God puts in our paths to help us realize that "me, mine and I" is not the most important! Prayers for you and all the rest of us as we face the show down!
I appriciate your openess and honesty on this struggle that we all face. It is good to see that you are just as "messed up" as the rest of us are and that we will all help each other rise and overcome the battle and win the showdown, daily. This series I believe has come along at the right time and WE WILL see many lives changed and give all the glory to GOD.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the honesty, and thanks for not leaving it there. Paul's words set a lofty example for us to follow.
ReplyDeletePastor Kris,
ReplyDeleteI think this is what makes you a very effective pastor. You are able to share with the church your struggles and challenges. I think we all have that fight with leaving family, friends and things of this earth. There are days I wouldnt want to leave this earth for anything, and there are days I cant wait to here that trumpet. Thanks for showing your human and earthly side. It helps us all with our struggles.
Hey Kris, thanks for your transparency. I sure would like to type something smart and intelligent here, but I think the most appropriate word I can share about your last post is "Ditto."
ReplyDeletePastor Kris,
ReplyDeleteI know we all struggle with the thought of leaving this earth and everything we have worked for and our loved ones. I have.
Psalm 27 is one of my favorite passages when I question myself. Verse 14 sums it all up.
Our life's path is not to be an easy one. Its our test. But with friends, loved ones and prayer, we can and WILL be worthy of all the riches God has for us.
Praying for you.
Tommy
That is awesome, Pastor Kris. I'm so excited that God is growing you and I am anticipating what God is going to do through this next series not only in your life, but many, many others'. We're praying for you, Pastor.
ReplyDeleteSo there I was in second grade feeling self-conscious about my new glasses (bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this). I knew that my classmates were looking at me and thinking to themselves, “Look at him, he looks so silly in those glasses. What a nerd!” And there was Mrs. Corbett at the chalkboard (Yes, I’m old. We’re way before the advent of the dry erase marker here), and she was using YELLOW CHALK to mark verbs in the sentence. Yellow chalk! I had never been able to see she was using two different colors, white AND yellow! And what’s more, I could read the words! This was a major event for me. Okay, so here’s my point (finally, I know). Sometimes moments of discomfort lend themselves to allowing us moments of clarity in our lives. Reading through the responses to your post there is a common thread. Ronn said it best with “ditto.” We all owe it to ourselves to be honest with ourselves. Bottom line, we’re humans. Our job is to realize it and seek Christ. Awkward?...sometimes. Worth it?...ALWAYS. You guys have a great day, I’ve got some introspection to get to.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, did you read my mind?
ReplyDeleteToddro,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by the blog and commenting. Great insight!